Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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