Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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