even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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