Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
