meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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