it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
