we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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