thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
