Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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