Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
