Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
