Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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