don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
