Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
