I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
