so explain again why im purple
no
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize