God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Come share oat with me in your robe
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
