So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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