your thong is hanging out like whoa
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
