Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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