the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
