This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
