My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my poor anus
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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