I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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