We're like a lot better than the average bears
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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