how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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