so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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