I wish I only lived at night.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
