Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
