I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
