I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
