I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
