I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
time to smoke my breakfast
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
