First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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