Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
