PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
