We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
