we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
