We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
we should paint friendship bongs
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