you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
