i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
