I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
