you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
