get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
