I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I lost the right to judge tonight
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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