All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
