Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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