what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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