Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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