my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
