you traded sex for a burrito?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
