you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
