Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
