Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
