I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
