So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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