i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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