Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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