when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
