Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
