I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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