a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
