She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
