so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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