I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
